The Love of the Father

As my trip to Uganda Africa comes closer and all the details are being worked out by our Father. I began to think about who I will be serving over there and what I will be teaching and what kind of impact I may have. I watched a short video on youtube of a mission team that went to the same city in Uganda as I will be. I saw the faces of the children and saw the city. I fell in love at first sight of the children, their smile, and my heart was also broken into pieces seeing the sheer poverty they live in. How can you love people you have never met?

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:11

The love of our Father compels us to share His name to the ends of the earth. Many have gone before and many will go after. The truth we need to rest in is found in Zephaniah 3:17. Many of us have never read this passage but we sing a song about it a lot : Mighty to save. Our Father is a mighty one who saves. If we share with this mind set we allow God to work in us and those we share His name with. May we keep to the great commission and go to make disciples of all nations. The Word of God keeps showing the importance of sharing our faith so others may hear the Word as well. I pray as I prepare for this adventure I can be bold and share without fear my faith to those who God has placed in my life.

I need Jesus

As I prepair for all that is ahead of me, Africa, school, work, a family. I feel like I keep running into speed bumps, ditches, holes, craters, and the list goes on. I say it and sing it and preach it that all we need in Jesus. Do I believe it? Do I take hold of it? Do I run with it? NO most definitely NO. I wanna believe it I wanna say all I need is Jesus, but the reality is I feel I need Jesus and things to be easy. I need life to be sweeter filled with victories no failures. I thought when I believed in Jesus everything would be EASY. News flash it only gets harder. Harder to serve him, obey him, learn from him, and just be willing to say YES LORD.

I am not sure why at this moment in time I am struggling with all this. I know the right answers I am the bible college student. We have all the books that say what is right and what is wrong. I can tell all the theology just the right way, but when I have questions people seem to think I am less spiritual. People seem to think you've changed. No I am still me I just have questions and no answers. I wonder why one person is held to a different standard than others. Are we all not following the same GOD? (I am aware my thoughts are kinda here and there sorry.)

Is it less spiritual to wear flip flops or dress shoes? Shirt and tie or Polo? Jeans or dress pants? I think Jesus would say show me your heart not your shoes. Why have we made Church so religious? Why do we say your not Godly if you don't do X,Y,Z? There are believers in China who huddle around one small light bulb wearing dirty clothes reading one bible and they are worshiping the Lord. Worshiping him knowing at any moment the could be caught and killed for this. We get all to caught up in how we do Church and not in why we do Church. Now don't hear me saying Church is bad. When we worship our Lord with our hearts it is pure joy. I wanna be there in that place where all I need is Jesus and the rest is written by HIM.

I have not one clue if any of this makes sense or if anyone will read this. I use this space to let go of difficulties and ideas and just be free in who I am and what I believe. You may agree or disagree and that is fine. You are on a journey same as me and we never get it right. I am trying my best to serve the Lord how I feel led. May Jesus Christ direct my path and yours to the foot of the cross. I NEED JESUS

AFRICA

So I have finally gotten the official email letting me know I have been approved to go to Africa for a semester. I will receive 12 credits for college and will gain a lot of hands on experience. I am so excited to go but with so much to do before I go I pray it all works out. The cost for the trip is 2900 dollars and as many people know college students do not have an overflow of extra money. With needing shots and other small things that I am even not yet aware of I think the trip will cost closer to 4,000 dollars. Several people have already told me they would help and I know Gods people will step up to help as well. I am looking for any ideas to help fund raise. I am willing to work, I am willing to do whatever God has planned to make this all happen. I know it will test my faith and I am glad to see it strengthened. Several other things that come to mind is when I return I want to live in Williamstown once again I love this place. I wont have anywhere to stay or even a job. I pray God will open a place and a job for me. If you know of a place or have a place or a room or anything I am flexible. If you could be praying for me and praying how you can be involved in advancing the Kingdom of God in Africa.

Why are we running?

Over the past month I have been trying to run regularly, and with the weather it has been difficult. It seems to me when you have several weeks of good weather it is easy to get in a routine, but as soon as the weather gets rainy for a week its easily ruined. As I was thinking about this I thought back to an old journal entry I had. I asked the question "where am I running to." I know my desire is to run to the Lord, but how am I doing this? At times I hardly feel like reading my bible and I struggle with understanding it. I want to serve my Lord and be a faithful servant. My spiritual desire does not always line up with what I do. Just like running I get into a good routine and I see God move in mighty ways and watch him use me and others in ways only He can do. Then there is the rainy times were all I can do is pray for the sun to come out. I feel like God is far away and unattainable. I know in the rainy days of life God uses them to teach us and I wanna learn.
As I sit here listening to music a song by Rush of Fools came on and its called "Can't Get Away." The song talks about we can't get away because we keep running into God. WOW God intersects in our life's whether we want to or not. As a young minister I have many difficulties and struggles. I wanna do what is right and honoring to God and at times I do not have the answers. Who will listen and help? Who will guide? How will I know what is right? I feel like I am running at full speed and the goal is so far away I cannot tell if I am running in the right direction. Serving the Lord seemed so much easier 5 years ago when He save my hell bound soul. Life was slower and the struggles seemed smaller. Lord give me strength and courage to run the race with endurance.

Who will go?

This past week I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Youth Camp. While at camp I received a phone call from the International Mission Board. I have been waiting on this call for over a month. Strange thing was I had no reception on the campus, so for my phone to get this call was God ordained. This call was about my application to work overseas for a semester. I had applied to go to the Philippine Islands, but due to no other people wanting to go there I was faced with a decision. I could keep that job in hopes for a partner, but I could also end up not going at all. The decision I had to make was should I go ahead and change my choice of job or not. After several days of prayer and hearing God speak I decided to change jobs. I am still waiting for the confirmation letter, but with it I will be heading to Uganda, Africa. The hard part now begins I must raise money to go and there are several other logistical things to figure out. I know God has great plans for all our lives we must be faithful and follow him all in.

Preaching

As I sit in my pastor's office getting ready to preach before the church I have a feeling of inadequacy. I have been a believer for just over 4 years. I have grown in my understanding of the bible and about my savior. I still feel who am I to preach to anyone, I am a sinner worse than any. I need the power of God to speak through me. With out Him I am nothing, but a sinful man with sinful actions and desires. I pray the Lord would humble me and break me of my sinful ways and sinful desires. I need Him more than ever. Christ must increase and I must decrease. Show me the way Lord help sustain me and make me a powerful tool for your Kingdom.

Yearning

What do I yearn for? is it the Lord? Marriage? Wealth? comfort? It seems all to often I catch my self seeking after the things of this world. I try to keep up with the Jones' and always fall short. Last night as I watched the T.V. with my wonderful rabbit ears that were covered in aluminum foil. The reception went in and out and I caught myself desiring cable. Why? I know myself all to well and I would waste more time sitting watching T.V. I would be distracted more than I am already. The smallest things in life that we have we take for granted. Basic medicine, clean water, and so much more. How can I ever be so self centered as to want more. I don't need more stuff I need more Jesus. I need to yearn for him, seek him, give him praises. I feel that being connected to everything has blinded me from thirsting for the Lord. I am on facebook, myspace,twitter, blogspot, and I have a cell phone and T.V. How have I convinced myself that I need these things, or even want these things. I want to serve my God, but my flesh pulls me away from the things of the Lord. I want to divorce my flesh it deceives me and leads me into temptation. I want to be led to the foot of the cross, to the road less traveled, to the way, the truth, and the life of Jesus.

I want to yearn for Gods Word. I want to have a passion for His Word. I know the right answers to how to live and what I should do, but I have not always done that. I feel like a disobedient child. Like Adam and Eve hiding from God in the Garden. I know he sees me and my sin. I am thankful for the forgiveness of sins, but I never want to abuse His grace. May we all draw near to the throne of Grace and may our lives be ones that are holy and honoring to the Lord. Let us help one another in this journey. Push forward, never give up, and rest in His power, and his spirit. Lord I long to see you and thirst for you. May you satisfy my soul.